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Aug 8th, 199X
by Rudiger MacLeod
There was a minor incident on board a space shuttle last week, when a passenger began harassing one of the lovely short-skirted stewardesses.
Jonathan Ingram, a private investigator from Old Los Angeles, was travelling to Beyond on a case when his erratic behaviour emerged. When chastised by the bug-eyed commuter in the seat next to him, he allegedly justified his actions by saying he had spent twenty-five years drifting through space, alone and "floating in the most peculiar way."
The stewardess was said to have handled the curious clutches of the traveller extremely well, brushing off the man's inappropriate behaviour as being part of the job of being a female NPC in a Japanese visual novel.
"He kept asking questions about the Policenauts, about space and kept saying 'you'd be my waifu of the month' over and over", claimed the bemused flight attendant.
After leaving the space shuttle, Ingram headed to the Beyond Coast Police Department where he was questioned. In a statement, Detective Ed Brown said:
"Mr Ingram claims to be part of an elaborate conspiracy where he believes he is the main character of an FMV game. Unfortunately, during an interaction with a young woman, he was presented with the opportunity to 'touch' and in the spirit of providing viewers with the quintessential '100% experience' of his adventure, he felt pressured in to clicking the button. Three times."